Vanilla Aphrodisiac
by Dissimpleton
Summary: The best tales are those less ordinary. Riku has the best to tell. Death of a microwave leads to refuge behind a soap cart, conversation with a she-demon, and the best time of his life with a brunette.
1. Beautiful Day

Summary: The best tales are those less ordinary. Riku has the best to tell. Death of a microwave leads to refuge behind a soap cart, conversation with a she-demon, and the best time of his life with a brunette.

Warning: Occasional profanities, suggestive themes later (maybe even some more than just suggestive *eyebrow wiggle*), and major, FROTH-INDUCING **CRACK**. Hee~! Owo

Disclaimer: I own *sniff* nothing from Square Enix's Kingdom Hearts series. *Sniff* Not even my Hayner... *Weep*

Sorry guys, I have no pattern of uploading. This story could be done in a month, or 3 years, or NEVER AT ALL! OoO (Hopefully not the last optio TTwTT) I assure you, though, that I'll try to get my ADD ass out of the clouds and sit it down to finish this, ahh... specialness w

P.S.: Name of story to be conceived after finishing story or occurrence of FABULOUS epiphany. For now I'll ask my buddy uploading this to just call it my KH crack story (I know, SO original. You know what, BUDDY? Just name it what you want, and I'll ignore and rename it later, when the story is DONE! Lol w Please? Something? PLEEASE!)

Anyway, enjoy! Owo

_Chapter One: __Beautiful Day_

Enjoy! Owo

Though many days on the tiny island chain called Destiny Islands were fairly peaceful and pretty, this day in particular was beautiful. The sun was bright, the birds were singing…

And Riku Karada was on the hunt for a new microwave oven.

I'll wager you're wondering why it is that on this lovely day, this lovely titanium haired boy is in need of such a lovely, abstract house item; are you not? Who would've guessed is _beyond me,_ but it had all started with a videogame…

"Dude, I am _so_ beating your butt at this game!" cheered the triumphant golden stranded teen, now well on his way to beating his totally inferior opponent for the _seventh_ _time_ this sitting.

"Shut _up,_ Tidus." Growled said opponent, trying his hardest not to lose his troops to his adversary's fleet. They'd stumbled upon a strange game called Kingdom Smarts, and decided to give it a try. If it proved unsatisfactory, they'd just return it, no harm done.

Tidus. Loved. It.

He'd spent nights and days (and nights again) building great castles, defending them against silly looking enemies, and ruled his way to obsession. Anyone who would be challenged by him would know better than to even think about accepting such an impossible challenge—except for one.

After all, one such as Squall Leonhart is not one to decline a challenge staring him in the face. Tidus had jeopardized his pride by claiming he had not the guts, and pride was more important than _air_ to the stoic brunette—hell, if there _was _a way to inhale pride, he'd happily do so, and be high off of his feelings of ecstasy for the rest of his life.

Really, what choice did he have? Give up his pride, or give up his thumb use for a few hours?

… Perhaps a few days of thumb pain are on the line, at this rate. It _hurt_ to play video games against someone like Tidus.

Anyways, not one to step off the glory platform, Squall took on _the challenge._ Now he better haul ass off that glory box, and onto his soapbox— his chances of winning were _so _dead.

**BOOM!**

There go his army's chances, too.

GAME OVER. PLAYER ONE WINS.

_Again,_ thought Squall in dismay.

A flash of blonde shot up off the couch. "OH YEAHH!" The cry of the victor can be heard once around the cute, open apartment, and five times back and forth through Squall's poor ears.

Off to his little victory lap now, once around the gloomy monster and back again.

Boy did Squall look disappointed… or was it anger? 'Tis quite hard to tell the difference between Squall's facial expressions—they all look the same: bored and slightly angry.

"Yeah, yeah—I get the picture, Tidus. You won. I lost. Not like that's anything new." Squall said, resigned voice quiet and somewhat sad.

"You're right. It's always satisfying beating you so badly, though! Ha haaa!"

"Alright, how about we quit with the games for now? Let's go do something el—"

"Awwwww, is ickle Squallie sick of getting his _donkey whooped?"_

"Tidus—stop. Now this is just getting ol—HEY! DON'T JUMP ON THAT! GET _DOWN!_"

"HA HAA! Why don't you try to sick your little army against me? I need some carnage goin' on in this place!

Squall had had more than enough, at this point. His patience had worn a bit too thin.

"You want carnage?" He walked slowly to the unsuspecting Tidus, now climbing on counters in the kitchen like the freaking monkey he is.

Now I _know_ what you're thinking! You've guessed that Squallie got a _teeny _bit too mad, and smashed the microwave to an electric puddle in pursuit of dear, little, stupid Tidus. Well, poor ignorant soul, this is why I am here: to traipse up to you with some pretty flowers and say _**WRONG!**_

As nicely as I can, of course. Heehee.

No, you see, the kitchen device's demise is _actually_ due to a _meteor crash landing in the apartment! _It had caused _**DEVASTATION**_… to the microwave only, though. Everything else (besides the roof, of course) was perfectly intact, save for Tidus's rightness of mind. Trauma does things. _Anyway_, it was all so terrible…

… I get the sense you don't believe my story… Fine, I admit, I lied. Squall actually did take to beating the crap out of the poor microwave, thinking it was just Tidus's head. What a mistake.

Now, this is where the (poor) one called Riku comes in.

Isn't his timing just _grand?_

Just as Riku had walked into the shared apartment, small grocery bag in hand, he was greeted with some eccentric giggles, some colorful profanities, and two flashes dashing about the house.

"DAMN IT, GET BACK HERE, YOU IMPRUDENT MISCREANT!"

"Ooh, nice words, Squallie! Have you been _learning_ things at school? _Good boy! _Hahahahaha!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT! Don't even get me _started_ on _your_ academic record!"

"Meh, everyone knows, anyway! At least I don't sound like an antisocial professor! You remind me of Dr. Vexen, ya know?"

"You guys?"

"Dr. Vexen doesn't receive _nearly_ as much credit as what is due to him! Don't you badmouth him! You'd have to have at least _half_ of his IQ to try to analyze him!"

"Aww, didn't mean to dis your crush, Squallie!"

"_Guys."_

"That's disgusting! Is it so wrong to admire someone for their mind? Can you blame me when I have to spend time with some idiot like yo—"

"_**YOU GUYS!"**_

Amazingly enough, the two had actually _stopped _their quarreling to listen to the silver haired teen. Even worse of an idea than challenging Tidus to video games is to disobey the word of Riku. The word of Riku is more important than the word of any general, king, or even god. Disobey and perish—not die (too easy, too nice). Nay, _perish_.

The two quibblers stared on in apprehension at their roommate, said platinum teen's temple throbbing and face slightly scary, awaiting whatever word God Riku had to utter to them.

"_Thank you._" His voice had gone calm again (not to be mistaken for easing of tension), and his face had more of a relaxed expression on his face now.

"Heh, hi Riku." Tidus replied, shirt still clutched in a vice-grip by a now (slightly) calmer, more normal Squall.

Riku glanced over at the poor microwave oven that now (mostly) lay on the kitchen floor, still trying to salvage its teeny reserves of remaining life—to no avail, of course. It coughed and sputtered a bit, finally giving up its last little electric charge of life. Its sigh of relief sounded eerily similar to the word _'revenge'_ to the threesome.

Squall had taken this chance, while Riku's attention was directed elsewhere, to relieve himself of the uncomfortable, straining position of balancing at a strange angle. Besides, it practically screamed 'attempted and almost completed murder', and deep down Squall hoped that if he _looked_ like he didn't do anything, Riku would think _nothing_ ever happened…

Real sneaky, tough guy…

Trying to look as inconspicuous as possible, Squall reverted to his common 'socializing' stance: leaning against the nearest wall, arms crossed and beautiful scowl present.

While Squallie was busy regaining his composure, Tidus was picking himself up from the mean floor. He hadn't any time to react when the brunette had suddenly let go of his shirt, and stolen Tidus's balance. This spelled imminent, floor-related doom, and Tidus's face had gotten quite up-close and personal to the knots and whorls in the wooden floor.

Riku had now turned back to the pair, sighed, and asked who the cause of this… inconvenience was. Both had immediately pointed a long index finger of blame at each other, eliciting another exasperated sigh from the poor platinum-haired teen.

"He punched it," said Tidus immediately.

"He made me punch it," defended Squall right after.

"Alright, whatever,' said Riku, holding up his hands in emphasis. "Just tell me where to go to get a new one."

"The Empire."

"Infinity."

Both were said simultaneously, but the two were somehow able to discern what the other had said, thus starting another argument.

"_No,_ the _Empire._"

"_Screw _the _Empire_, Tidus! Infinity has much better items and a bigger stock!"

"Well, the EMPIRE's prices are _unbeatable!_"

"_WHATEVER,_" shouted Riku, quite eager to will his rapidly growing headache away, preferably by leaving the two imbeciles alone for a while. "Infinity it is," decided Riku, earning a whiny 'aww, man…' from Tidus. Riku was _so done_ with roommates.

"Okay, I'm off. Tidus—you're an idiot (Hey!), Squall—don't break anything else that's valuable (So Tidus is free pickings then, right?). When I get back, don't try to explain what happened—I already have a big enough headache. Just try to at least _act_ nice when I get back. Squall, don't get any blood on the carpet. _Later."_

"Wait, _what?_" Tidus managed to squeak out before—

_SLAM!_

Then there was silence. Squall grew the biggest, creepiest, and most _sadistic_ smile no one has until now had the (mis)fortune of beholding; he slowly turned to his poor, _stupid_ victim.

Tidus gulped hard, trying to plan out his 'flight-or-flight' (no fighting option, even Tidus isn't _that_ dumb…) strategy to push off his imminent death for a couple of hours.

"Time to run," came another fearful, not at all manly squeak from the impulsive blonde.

"_Fast,_" added the brunette demon, more in a low growl than anything that can be analyzed as human.

_End chapter One!_

XDDDDD Poor Tidus.

Riku: You mean poor Riku…! *sniff*

Squall: Don't call me Squallie.

Me: Make me. *brandishes rope*

Squall: Damn it.

_COMING SOON!_ Crack situation in chapter 2! Who is this Sora! And, ahh,_ why_ did he just _maul_ Riku?...

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF…..! Ahh… Title… To be conceived… Later… Ehehe…


	2. A 'Heroic' First Meeting

Chapter Two: A 'Heroic' First Meeting

After a while of trying to find a nice parking spot, preferably one not three thousand miles away from his destination (damn, inconsiderate bastards, taking up two spaces with their monsters of trucks…), Riku had entered the store and was now ready to trudge and wander in search of another blasted microwave.

'Beats staying with those two idiots, though', he rationalized with himself, wondering if Tidus was still breathing by now. Oh, well. It'll be Squall's fault if he's prosecuted for homicide. If the silver locked boy finds a suitable utensil replacement sooner than he likes, perhaps he can go to the book store or something. His stomach growled its opinion loudly, causing a few strangers to look and one to giggle. Riku could feel a bit of blood rush to his cheeks and looked down. 'Seems as if my stomach has other plans… A snack does sound good. I'll go to Berry Bar after this is done with', he thought. There's nothing like a nice, sweet frozen yogurt with almonds and some cherries to—

Growwwwwlllll

Okay, no more thoughts about food. On with the mission!

He looked up toward the ceiling for the signs that indicated which section he was in and what he would find there. Reading a sign that had 'Kitchen' neatly printed on it, he followed down that path, now a bit more motivated to leave within a reasonable time.

When he'd approached the aisle, luckily no one was near (he didn't trust his stomach to stay quiet for long), and he'd found just the shelf he was looking for.

'Ah, here they are!'

As he looked through the store's selection of nice, shiny microwave ovens, his ears had started to pick up… something… He heard the very, very faintest of noises—he couldn't really make it out too well. It just sounded like… wait… It was getting louder now. It almost sounded like…

Screaming?

Yes, yes, that was it! He heard screaming! Riku silently cheered and congratulated himself for this realization.

Wait.

Why… Why could he hear screaming? He was pretty sure he didn't walk into a horror entertainment shop, so, what the heck was going on? He saw a small, wavering dot of brown— growing larger, turning into a flash, and screaming louder than ever. That scream was now worthy of ripping his eardrums, as the blob was getting closer. Riku saw a quick flash of blue, then some pretty white stars as the unknown flash crashed into poor Riku's unsuspecting self and sent him crashing onto the hard tile floor, the unknown fallen on top of him.

-*-Change POV-*-

'Gotta find… an escape route,' thought a frantic Sora Makoto, truly desperate to find salvation from his imminent (and tremendously terrifying) doom.

He heard shouts and insults from his deadly pursuer behind him, and looked behind to see how much ground there was between the two. As he looked back at his terrifying friend, Kairi Akane, he could swear his life on it that her body was aflame with anger. She looked like a possessed bull on the hunt of a rider who had crossed the line ten times over; like a flaming, crackling Minotaur—demon's bull horns and all. Boy, were girls absolutely terrifying.

Sora shook himself out of his frightened musings and resumed trying to find a way to cheat death (again. This wasn't the only time he had angered the red-haired she-devil this badly. It was just as scary every time, though…). As he rounded another corner, his frantic eyes spotted his very own salvation. An adolescent male was standing in the appliance aisle, inspecting some microwaves it seemed, looking kind of confused.

'He probably hears my screams of terror… Or Kai's screams of homicidal threats,' thought Sora, an amused look on his face. He was perfect! Kind of tall (really only kind of, he wasn't giant or anything); a bit of musculature defined on his upper arms; a perfect, soft face (Guhh.. Or at least, that's how Kai'd see it); shiny, silky, very well-kept looking hair (damn… Is that natural?); and the most stunning eyes Sora had ever had the pleasure of seeing. He was damn hell-of-a-lot-o'-sexy (H-how Kairi would assess him, of course. I-I've just been around her too long to not notice these things anymore…)! Kairi would fall over her own head, and that's only after it falls over her heels twice!

The poor, unsuspecting male practically wore a halo and had his own angelic choir in the background now, in Sora's eyes. He ran straight for him, so happy he had a chance at life for the time being. He seemed to have miscalculated his super-cool linoleum-sliding skills, though; for when he was in sliding distance, he totally aimed wrong and was heading straight toward the stunned platinum-haired individual. Sora yelled, "CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPP!" and ran straight into the boy, toppling on top of his unprepared chest.

CRASH!

-*-Change POV-*-

Riku let out a pained groan, opened his eyes, and was about to scold the idiot who had run into him. As soon as he tried to do so, however, he was pulled behind the closest rack and hushed. What the hell was going on? What did he do today that made the secretaries of karma so damn pissed? He wished he knew…

"So, what's your name?" the stranger asked, not looking at Riku, and looking quite scared for some reason. What the hell? He's trying to make small talk? 'What's your name, unknown assailant?' He thought grumpily. He seemed to be looking for someone. 'Funny way of trying to meet someone,' he thought, 'tackling a poor stranger and hiding out of sight from something unknown to said stranger is my favorite way to make friends.' Inner Riku seemed quite put-off and grouchy, no? Well, it's as to be expected when trampled by an individual you're sure to never have met before, I suppose…

"Um… Riku. Riku Karada. Yours?" he answered and asked tentatively.

"Nice to meet you!" he shout-whispered, "My name's Sora! Sora Makoto." He sounded so… cheery. This guy was running, screaming, and what seemed like trying to kill poor Riku only a few minutes ago. What the heck was up with him?

"Uhh, might I ask why we're behind a soap bottle rack?" asked Riku.

Sora looked at him blankly, and then seemed to have realized how weird it must have been to be dragged behind a cart by some random stranger. "Oh. God, I'm so sorry! I was running away from my grim reaper, and I saw you—my saving grace—so I ran over, and I was gonna slide behind you all epically, but I must've aimed wrong, then I ran into you, and I saw her coming, and, and, I couldn't think so I quick pulled us to the nearest hiding place I could find, and, and, and, uhhh, now we're here, and I'm explaining to you that I'm really not just a psycho who randomly jumps people. Ahaha, sorry 'bout that. I must've scared you pretty badly, huh?" Throughout this whole hyperactive rant, the boy's words had gone from slow to gradually quicker, then at the end slowing once again.

This person was insane.

Riku blinked out of his stupor to answer the manic brunette. "Oh, no, it's fine," Riku lied. He rubbed his head in dismay. That shit freakin' hurt.

Nevertheless, Riku decided to start trying to understand the situation. "So, uhh… You're running from your… 'Grim Reaper'?" he asked, confusion in his voice. "Wh… Who is this? A person?" he asked slowly, afraid the help-child would snap and return to his psychopathic rampage if Riku said something wrong.

Sora shivered, at the thought of that 'grim reaper' character, Riku was guessing. "Yeah, I guess you could call her that…" Sora said contemplatively. "I, uhh, didn't listen to her, and now she's out to kill me! Please, Riku, I know we just met each other and all, but you have to help me! If she catches me, she'll hang me up by my ankles on nasty rusty chains in a dark basement and t—"

There he goes again, with his rampage.

"Alright, I understand," interrupted Riku. He was kind of afraid of letting Sora continue on another one of those rambling sessions of his. "So, what do you want me to do?" Riku tentatively offered with equal amounts of curiosity and caution evident in his voice.

Instead of an immediate favor request as expected, Riku was quite unexpectedly surprise-attacked by an overwhelmingly un-manly squeal (yes, you read correctly—squeal), the origins of which could be traced to the completely ecstatic brunette in front of the poor Silverhair.

'Geez, his squeals are higher-pitched than Tidus'!' Riku thought with incredulity.

"You mean you'll actually help me?"

'Not if you shatter my ear drums first, goddammit', Riku thought. Though, it's pretty easy for people to ignore thoughts of others since, y'know, said people can't hear thoughts unless they're superheroes.

Thus, Sora just answered for Riku and said, "Ohhhh. Thank you! I just need you to distract her while I think up an escape plan and evade my otherwise certain death." He'd said 'certain death' with such a solemn attempt at a foreboding feel, Riku giggled a bit. The spastic brunette seemed too happy to be capable of solemnity anyway, so it seemed to Riku. Sora continued after breaking his concentration from some sort of distraction Riku couldn't see.

'Probably something shiny,' thought Riku with amusement. Sora definitely seemed the type to be diagnosed with A.D.D.; if not, maybe just plain neurosis?

"Ohhh, this will be fool-proof!" Sora cried happily. "You're so cute, there's no way she could resist a guy like you!" As soon as Sora had said it and had seen the stunned expression on Riku's face, he'd realized exactly what he had just said.

And then, at that next moment, Riku had been witness to just about the funniest thing he'd seen since the ultra-sizzler wedgie his best friend Axel had given Tidus back in high school (Poor boy was weeping and waddling for at least 2 and a half weeks, but it was hilarious!).

There before him sat the same hyper brunette, but with childish smile unceremoniously wiped clean off. His face went through a transformation of colors first pale, then white, and finally that of a blood-red tomato.

For quite a while, neither could or did speak a word. Finally, the cat in Sora's mouth seemed to have a bit of mercy on him and let him expel sounds from his mouth once again.

"Th-th-that i-is, I-I m-m-m-me-ean, h-hhahaha, a-aahhh, w-w-wwell…"

Apparently, that cat didn't have enough mercy to give the poor brunette the ability to form anything coherent.

"I-I… U-um, t-that is, ahh, th-that's wh-what K-kairi would s-s-say once she-e s-s-saw yo-you. A-ahahahah! Yes! I-I, uhh, she's dragged m-e everywhere with h-her for so l-long, I-I'm ju-ju-just r-really good at think-king like her." Sora tried rationalizing in a jumble of rushed out, nervous sounds that vaguely resembled words. 'Goodness, any more trauma and poor Sora could start frothing at the mouth…' Riku thought. 'Crap… I think he is…'

Then Sora realized how offensive that could have sounded and tried again to make sense. "AAH! N-not to say that you're not good looking! You are very attractive person—GAH! I m-mean, i-i-i-in th-the e-eyes o-of a… AAAAAAGHH, never mind!" He gave an exasperated sigh, and continued with a calm, defeated voice. "I hope, despite how much of a weirdo I just was, you'll still help me," he looked up slowly with a small, sheepish face to meet a warm smile. Riku didn't know why his cheek muscles pulled and his heart swelled, but it happened, and he was helpless to stop it.

With just as much of a soft voice as was his smile, he replied, "Sure, why not?"

Sora's face lit up with newly grown hope and a big, goofy smile replaced upon his cute face. Riku had grown to like that smile.

Geez, with all that time, Kairi could have shopped like a girl in a shoe store (from personal experience: my mom takes FOREVER to shop!)! Well, 'tis as to be expected, this is a story based on an anime RPG. Anyway, at this time the two still taking refuge behind a soap cart had heard a light, terrible attempt at a nice voice just a few aisles down.

Sora flailed and panicked. "Go! Don't worry, she won't kill you, only me!" he said in a hushed shout. "I'll be waiting in the towel section for your status report! Meet me there after you save my butt, please. Now, I bid thee farewell and good luck" he said, sending a salute Riku's way. He spoke with such unbefitting solemnity Riku had to hold back another chuckle.

Riku was shoved out from behind the cart by the brunette's tiny, tan hands and was facing Kairi's approaching form, walking toward the suspicious sounds they'd made. Just as Riku heard Sora quietly dash for the section on the other side of the store, Kari approached the silver haired boy. She wasn't looking at him yet, but rather around for her prey.

"Hey, have you seen a boy around with brown hair, blue eyes, and tan ski—"she cut herself off once she looked up to see a platinum-stranded god standing before her. He looked surreal to her. 'Oh. My. God. WHAT a piece of MMPH!' she thought to herself. She could get used to liking the world if it was filled with boys that looked like this. He looked so nice, too.

She tucked strands of red hair uselessly behind her ear, straightened herself from her hunched position and said, "Um, hi. I-I, uhh."

'Now's the time for your charm, Kai…' she thought resolutely. "Hi. My name is Kairi—Kairi Akane. May I ask what your name is?"

'Man, what a fake person,' thought Riku. Nevertheless, he put on his fake smile as well. 'Now's the time for your charm, Ri'…'

"Hello, my name is Riku Karada. Who is it that you were looking for?" He'd worked for years on charming the stupid girls at school with his fake smile. The best part to him was that all of his actual friends knew exactly when he was bullcrapping, so anyone who didn't catch on just didn't know him (and in his eyes, didn't want to know him. You can imagine he didn't try to befriend them after that test. He could be quite cruel when he wanted.).

'Stupid Girl' seemed to have forgotten all about her prey. At his point she probably didn't even remember the name of her prey. Girls like these made Riku sick, but he had to stick it through for Sora. "Wh-who? Ohh, right, ahh, i-it's no one. Though, I should probably go find him. I have something to discuss with him…"

Jeez, she sounded so scary. Just to be safe, Riku decided to throw her off a bit. "Well, you know, I saw someone a while ago walk out the entrance a bit hurriedly. If I remember correctly, he did indeed have brown hair and tan skin. He looked in quite a hurry…"

"Really?"

Bingo.

"Yeah, I think he turned left as he exited," replied Riku, feigning thought about where 'Sora-decoy' ran off to.

"Oh, thank you! I'm really very sorry I have to cut this wonderful meeting short, but here," she scribbled something on a small piece of paper she'd magicked out of her light pink purse. When she handed it to Riku, he saw an impossibly neatly-written phone number on the pink, decorated piece of paper. "In case you'd like to continue our meeting." She gave an almost sincere smile and walked away toward where she thought her prey would be.

Riku pocketed the nasty thing in his khaki shorts. He'd be sure to throw that away later…

'Okay, now to find Sora and tell him he's safe,' Riku thought, a bit more in an eager tone than he'd wanted. He shooed it off his mind and set out to find the (surely panicking) brunette spaz.

He'd arrived at the towels section to find none other than Sora, crouching down, absolutely intact and no suspecting Kairi in sight! He looked scared until he saw Riku not tied up with tattered clothes and traumatized face. He lit up like a fluorescent light bulb, jumped up, and pulled Riku into a skeleton crushing hug. For as skinny as he looked, he wasn't lacking in the strength department.

Once he seemed to remember that people need air and Riku was a person, he thankfully released Riku to allow him a taste of sweet oxygen again.

"Sorry," Sora amended sheepishly.

"It's okay, I'm fine," he lied. 'Jeez, this guy's so violent toward me… I think I fractured a rib,' he whined in his head. "Well, all clear. No she-devil to bother you now."

"Ohhhhhhh, thank you so much!" Sora yelled happily and gave Riku another, much softer hug. "This was sooooooo nice of you to do, and for a stranger, too! If you hadn't been here to save me, I'd be no more! How can I ever repay you?"

"Oh, there's no need to repay me," Riku declined politely.

GROWWWWWLLLLLLLLLQ

It seemed his stomach protested profoundly.

Sora gave a small giggle. "How about dinner?" he offered.

Riku went for his pockets. "Well, I was gonna go get a bite after all this anyway. I should have enough for—"

Riku's pockets were turned out all the way, and with no wallet in any of them. Damn memory for making him forget his wallet at home. "Air," he continued. "I have enough to buy air…" Eventually he heaved a sigh of relief. He wouldn't win against his demanding stomach. "Dinner would be nice, please." He breathed out in the tiniest, most pathetic voice he could muster, causing Sora to die of a giggle-fit.

"Hehe, alright, dinner it is! How does Subray sound?"

"Sounds like a plan," Riku agreed. 'Nice taste. I love Subray… Nice and healthy… er…'

Needless to say, the night drifted further, helped along quite a bit with the fun conversation and boisterous laughter expelled from the pair's smiling lips. Riku learned that Sora was the same age as him, went to the same college as him (how'd he miss that?), and had the same obsession with clean bathrooms as him (pretty funny their meeting place was behind a soap-bottle cart…). Sora found out that Riku had two roommates (both seemed funny as hell), every gaming console you could think of (in order to satisfy Tidus's demanding, A.D.D. needs), and a tank full of awesome (and rare) sounding fish. Sora ordered a sandwich new to him to be daring and found out he was allergic to one of the ingredients (a puffy Sora is just as cute, surprisingly. Thankfully, he didn't die, and the swelling went down after about a half hour.), and Riku's sandwich was missing his favorite ingredient, thus instigating quite a hilarious (to Sora) argument between Riku and his Sub-maker.

At the end of the night, both were full, very happy, and delightfully sleepy. Riku was fine for driving, though, of course. After Sora gave Riku his address and told him driving him home would be sufficient repayment for the extra cookie they'd gotten to share (It was totally Sora's fault, in Riku's eyes. He didn't want it that much… despite how delicious it looked…). Riku drove him to his door and said his goodbyes.

"Thank you for dinner, Sora. It was a lot of fun, despite what an idiot that employee was… Karma will bite him in the ass and hopefully get it fired," he joked (Well, half joked… Don't mess with Riku's sandwich…). "Anyway, thank you, really. This was the most fun I've had in a while…" he admitted.

"No mushy stuff, now, Riku," Sora teased, playfully poking Riku in the shoulder.

He was already so at-ease with Riku. Riku could never hope to be that laid-back with anyone he'd just met. 'You have been with him,' a voice in the back of his mind nagged. He ignored it.

"Besides, you're more due for a 'thank you'," Sora continued, more seriously. "Like I said, I'd totally be gone if it wasn't for my knight in shining, uhh… Khakis…" Sora drifted off dumbly, actually in thought, debating what to call Riku.

Riku chuckled, "Don't hurt yourself, Sora (Heyy!)." He looked at his watch. "Crap! It's 10:06, Sora. If I don't haul bumper, my roommates will think I finally jumped off a bridge because of their antics. Sorry. Maybe we'll bump into each other again?"

"I'll be counting on it," Sora admitted truthfully. He seemed too tired to worry about underlying meanings of his words. He gave a cute little yawn. "It's my bedtime anyway."

'Oh my god, that's freaking adorable. He has a bedtime? And follows it? He's like a little kid.' Before Riku left, he decided to prolong their time a bit by joking. "But Sora, please—next time, let's make it more exciting. Try to meet me on a Ferris wheel or in an elephant exhibit when we meet again."

Sora's face lit up with the thought of the possible scenarios. How fun that would be! "Okay!" he agreed with childish excitement.

'I was just kidding,' Riku thought with amusement. 'But you don't need to know that,' thought Riku, refusing to do anything to take that stunning smile away from his view. Confused by this last thought, Riku distractedly said a final 'goodbye' and drove off home.

When he finally got home, Squall and Tidus yelled at him, and then teased him, asking if he was on a nice date or something. Riku ignored them and went up to bed, to be carried into a long, thoughtful night.

End chapter Two!

HA! Finally done with this newest addition!

Ohhhh, I tried to sneak in some corny lines but they just stand out so BOLDLY! AAAAGH! Tell me if you like it, if you think it's crap, what I should do to make it as cracked out as the last chapter (If it's already got more crack, then PERFECT!)…

In case you haven't noticed, I don't like Kairi. She gets in the way of Riku's and Sora's INEVITABLE LOVE! 3 delicious cyber-cookies to those who agree…

You know you want to use my Ultra-Sizzler wedgie title to threaten your friends (and confuse them)!

Anyway, chapter three will be coming whenever the Hell I can think of WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN IT… I'm thinking Sephiroth crack… Ohhhhhh, it'll be great…

Sephiroth: I demand you tell me what you plan on doing to sully my reputation at once.

Me: Shush, Sephy. Here's a cookie

*hands Sephy cookie*

Sephiroth: …..

*takes cookie and nibbles on it* I whul fehnd ouhhth.

By the waayy, in case you guys were wondering why the hell there's a 'Q' at the end of that 'GROWWWWLLLLLLLLL', it's 'cause it's the growl of a gay stomach. THINK ABOUT IT! Just say it out loud, I swear to god, it makes SENSE! I'm not crazy!... Regarding this... *ahem*

Alright, in the next chapter! Sora runs into Sephiroth! What will he find? What will he do? What will he eat! Hahahaha, just kidding~! But expect a not-so-surprising surprise!

(It's in so many other stories; you'll see it coming before you even start reading the third chapter…)

Well, Tata for now! Owo

(MY BETA IS SPAMMING MY AUTHOR'S NOTES! *weep*)

B/N: Oh shush . You'd die without meh!

A/N: *overly-dramatic voice* Alone! Dead in the streets of !... At least I'd have some *ahem* stories to tide me over before my death, though... Heh heh heh

B/N: Nope. You're not allowed to die yet, as you have a story to finish! So get on with it woman! 38

A/N: FINAL NOTE! Sorry for the spastic colloquy, I HAVE AN OFFER! Any readers of the male gender will be given EXTRA DELICIOUS super cyber-cookies if they are reading AND enjoying my story so far Owo.

Now, REALLY

Taataa~! Owo

~Dissimpleton


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